I think it is fucked up that one of the things that makes me great is trying to kill me. All my life I have known that my superpower was me, a girl who survived trauma and evolved into a woman filled with passion. Being a woman allowed me access to God’s greatest gift, motherhood. However, after serving its greatest purpose, my uterus is trying to kill me… LITERALLY!
Many of you may have noticed that 2018 has been a very hard year for me medically. I have been hospitalized four times, received over fifteen units of blood and had several iron infusions. I know some of you are thinking, girl you have cancer, medical issues are to be expected. Well, let me just say that thus far, cancer has been kind to me (if that’s a thing).
For those who don’t know, Exactly one year ago today, I was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma, a blood cancer. However, I am blessed to say that it has been smoldering (inactive) since that time. So, while it is present and my Oncologist was confident I would need treatment, ”sooner than later” I am doing well. As a matter of fact, in this year my numbers have declined tremendously and the only concerns that have been raised were due to issues with my uterus and fibroids.
Like many women, I have been living with fibroids for years. Heavy bleeding, extreme pain, two month long periods and passing random clots of blood all accompanied my fibroids. At one point there were 17 fibroids of various sizes inside my body. Over the last few years, I guess those fibroids decided to join forces because now I have one super fibroid that is huge (12+ centimeters) and wreaking havoc on my life.
I’m sure some of you are thinking, just have a hysterectomy already. Oh and please know that I would love for that to have been an option back in March when the bleeding got out of control (AGAIN), but it isn’t. Why? Because I was too damn fat! Yes, I am too fat to have my uterus removed laparoscopically or vaginally and several doctors have expressed their fear in cutting me open to remove it. This fear is that due to the size of my stomach recover would be long, painful and life-threatening.
During all of this back and forth to and with doctors, one conversation that was repeated by every doctor was the suggestion that I have bariatric surgery. After finally committing to see the bariatric doctor and a counselor, I got on board and joined the program. This is when I begin to learn things I had never been able to grasp in regards to eating and living a healthier life.
So yeah, I had the gastric bypass on October 9, 2018. I didn’t have the procedure because I wanted to be skinny, I had the procedure because I begin to understand that health is wealth and that a lifestyle change was vital if I wanted to live my best life or live at all for that matter.
For months I talked to my counselor about how I would share my truth with you. I was concerned about how you would receive it. I feared the plus size and body positive communities wouldn’t understand or respect my choice. Then I thought about my new truth; I am bleeding less due to my decrease in weight and increase in activity, I am 50 pounds away from the weight needed to have a laparoscopic hysterectomy and My protein levels used to calculate my Multiple Myeloma standing has decreased by four times. So now, I don’t give a damn how anyone feels.
Nope, I am not sharing to promote bariatric surgery or diet culture. I am sharing because I know that there are women who need to hear my truth and see my strength as I live through this. I am sharing because there is at least one woman in need of a lifestyle change to save her life, who like me is battling with what others will think or feel. I am also sharing because I built this platform to fill a void for women who need honesty, transparency, and empowerment and this is a display of all these things.