” In every crisis there is a message. Crises are nature’s way of forcing change – breaking down old structures, shaking loose negative habits so that something new and better can take their place.” – Susan L. Taylor
Most of you have followed and witnessed my growth so you know my life has never been perfect. I started 2017 with a tornado slamming our home, leaving us living in a hotel for months. Many of you have also noticed that I have had several medical hardships prior to 2017 but in 2017 as well. However, it wasn’t until December 11, 2017 that I met my crises; this was when my hematologist informed me that I had Multiple Myeloma.
Now I know most of you (like me), are thinking what is Multiple Myeloma. So, let me tell you… Multiple Myeloma is a type of blood cancer that develops in the bone marrow. (READ MORE HERE)
From the moment he spoke those words, I was overwhelmed with emotions. I didn’t really have a full understanding of what it was or what the multiple myeloma risk factors were. While waiting for the doctor to return to the room, I texted several individuals who I knew were waiting to find out the results of the bone marrow biopsy. Then I called several people that I felt would keep me encouraged… none of them answered! That is when the tears begin; this is the beginning of something tough and I am going to have to go at it alone, was my thought and fear.
Before I could leave that room, God sent me the first of many things I needed to fight… UNDERSTANDING! This understanding came during a call with my girl Ty, she literally said everything I needed to hear to stand and move forward because I was stuck! She made me grasp things that I knew but had allowed fear to snatch in that moment. So, my why me turned into why not me.
As a person who suffers from anxiety and depression, I felt myself slipping and I felt powerless. I was praying, people were encouraging me but I couldn’t shake the fear and anxiety that accompanied the diagnoses. All my thoughts were negative although I spoke life to others. I did speak to a couple of my friends about how it was all making me feel at the time, and they did recommend me to try out some products or get into some new hobbies to try and distract myself, and just make the most of my life! Although I wasn’t sure about it, a popular suggestion that kept coming up was to try some cannabis as this is said to have some amazing health benefits and many cater to many mental health conditions. I took a visit to budexpressnow.net/ to check out how I could make some homemade pipes to smoke with, and it looked pretty enticing. It also turns out that there is a good amount of evidence that suggests cannabinoids (in cannabis) can help fight cancer, or at least certain types of it. Given my diagnosis, this was an interesting development. I also found out that you can even get cookies containing cannabis (https://www.togoweed.co/product/platinum-cookies/) which definitely appealed to me! But, despite my research, I just felt super down at that moment in time. Yep… I felt defeated and I was wearing the mask because as a strong woman, I needed to be a strong woman.
I told me kids our theme for this chapter was all faith no fear but girl… I was scared as hell! The 15 days I had to wait for my next appointment seemed more like 15 years. However, while I waited, I invested more time and energy into something familiar… My faith in God!
Returning to my church home, being fed what my soul craved, praising, and worshipping was not what the doctor ordered(pun intended) but just what I needed. And so, it was, my faith was strengthened to a place that allowed me to see that this crisis was the universes way of getting my attention and forcing me to change. Did I still cry occasionally? Yes! Did I still have moments? Yes! Did I have faith? Yes! Was I ready to fight… BUT OF COURSE!
The 15 days expired, I attended my appointment with my mother and my friend Dori. Yep, I was all nerves but kept praying and I posted something on facebook that put me right back in check; “my nerves are all over the place but so is God!” And just like that, I was ready!
Long story short, the hematologist informed me that while the cancer is there, it is in a smoldering phase (asymptomatic) and no treatment is needed at this time. For now, all I need to do is be tested every two months.
Again, I must say… I thank God for my unconquerable soul! This crisis thought me something that Daja had been telling (jokingly) me for days prior to my diagnoses… TRUST THE PROCESS! I am now confident that this crisis and the process will bring about greater in my life.
So yeah, I have cancer, but cancer doesn’t have me!