Hey PHAT Girls, HAPPY Eclipse Monday!
I am just sitting here patiently waiting for the eclipse, listening to, “Total Eclipse Of The Heart” and reading some of the ignorant comments being posted on social media. One thing I want to clear up is that it is a solar eclipse not a soul eclipse. LOL!! Oh, and according to the bible, no man knows the hour… So, stop saying the world is coming to an end because you don’t know!
Speaking of the world coming to an end, did I mention son left for college? Yes girl, college! Last Thursday, Zay moved into his dorm at Georgia State University and it was the most bitter sweet moment I have ever experienced. I tried to be strong because God knows I am proud of him but between Daja crying (like he was dead) and my thoughts… I broke down!
Honestly, I feel so blessed that God choose me to be Zay’s mother and although being a young single mother was the hardest thing ever, I wouldn’t hesitate to do it all over. Nope, not some of it… Every damn moment because those moments and incidents are what ushered me into womanhood. They are the moments that pushed me to readjust my crown. They are also the moments that prepared me for my second greatest blessing; becoming a mother to a daughter, Daja.
Becoming a pregnant by a dude who was denying the baby, at the age 21 years old, while struggling to finish college was hell! Some people suggested I have an abortion; two family members offered the money and honestly, I tried but I couldn’t go through with it. Others suggested I give my baby to my mother until I got on my feet; I tried that too, it lasted one week. Everyone had something to say about how hard I had made things for myself and how the last thing I needed was a baby and guess what… THEY WERE RIGHT!
I am sharing this post because while I don’t feel that immature (teen) or premature (unprepared) pregnancy shouldn’t be sensationalized, the truth is important. The journey is a challenge from beginning to end. There will be plenty of times in which you want to throw in the towel and rivers of tears will flow. However, I want other young single mothers to know that they can still win… I DID!
I know a lot of young ladies who are about to be single mothers and I know a lot of young ladies that are already single mothers. I want all those ladies to take these gems and tuck them deep inside of their heads and hearts. They may not make things easier but they will provide guidance and greater understanding.
When babies are born, there are three responsible parties; God, the father and the mother. God will always do his part, it is up to you to do yours. You can’t control what anyone else does but you… DON’T TRY! I lost so much valuable time and energy trying to assure that others were doing right by my kids when that was not my place and I had no control.
I cannot tell a lie, there will be plenty of moments when you want to give up but you can’t! You must stay the course because that child is depending on you. You owe it to your child to never give up no matter how hard things get. Oh, and one day, In due time… You will see and understand why giving up was a bad idea.
Your main focus has to be to remain focused! You can’t forget that nothing is more important than your child… NOT EVEN YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH THE FATHER! I sent so much time trying to make us a family, not understanding that I was standing in the way of us being good parents. Listen, some men are better fathers than they are boyfriends, be able to let him be what is important and not be what is shifting the focus.
Children don’t understand the dynamics of life, all they know is that they need certain things. It is your job as a mother to find a way to deliver. If daddy or other family are there to help… GREAT! However, if life proves to be less than favorable you still should find a way to make things happen. One thing that I take pride in is the fact that I wasn’t afraid to do what I needed to do to deliver and to get to the next level. I worked, I attended school and I also received government assistance. I didn’t allow pride or shame to stop me from delivering. You can’t sit around waiting for people to come through for you so that you can come through for your child. Get up, get out and get something.
Don’t neglect to enjoy motherhood! While it is hard, it is equally as rewarding. Don’t allow life’s haves and have nots to cause you to take your eye off the prize. Kids grow and reach milestones so fast; as their mother, you don’t want to miss anything. Not only do they need you for direction, but you need them as well. I can’t tell you how much I grew as a woman from age 21 until now (40 years old) and much of that growth was due to Zay and Daja.
Despite all the hell and hardships, Zay graduated high school with over 20 college offers. He entered college with 19 college credits, he has never been in trouble with the law and he is the epitome of black boy joy and black excellence. So yeah, I win and you can too!