How To Survive Losing A Member Of Your Tribe

o-BLACK-WOMEN-HUG-facebookIt is my belief that every woman/girl needs a diverse group of good good girlfriends. I think that the kids now refer to it as a squad but for the more mature women, we call it our tribe. Either way you slice it, your tribe is an imperative part of your life and it says a lot about the woman you are and the woman you want to be. Your tribe should balance you out; by providing a little logic and inserting a little crazy (on an as needed basis). They should be individuals who have resemblances and differences but most of all they should be ones who have your back.

I can honestly say that I have always been blessed with a great tribe from girlhood all the way to womanhood. Like most, I have had a few bumps in the road but truthfully for the most part; all of my day one’s have been A1. Some of my tribe transitioned with me as I evolved and some of us grew apart, which is natural. However, despite the transitions that took place, we maintain a connection and a level of respect (unless they were one of those bumps in the road).

Now, when I speak of my tribe, that is not to be taken lightly, because I am one who embraces friendship as close to my heart as I can. These are the people that I would without question ride and dies for and I know they wouldn’t hesitate to do the same for me. My tribe is not comprised of just everyone that I may have hung out or conversed with, it is indeed a group of elite individuals. The holders of my deepest secrets, the shoulders that I have cried on and the people that I carry in my heart every day; those are the members of my tribe.Maui of PHAT Girl Fresh and friend Melissa Riggins

Every single member of my tribe holds a very special place in my heart. We may not talk every day, we may not always see things the same way but we are sisters and that connection exceeds everything else. No matter how near or far they may be, they are always in my heart and they can’t be replaced; this is why it has been so hard for me to get over the loss of some of my tribe. When I say loss, I am not speaking about growing apart, that I can deal with. I am speaking about death.

I recently lost a third tribe member and although I have experienced it twice before, it hasn’t got easier; I actually think that it is getting harder. My heart has been heavy since the day I found out that my friend was deceased and I can’t seem to shake that feeling. It is not just a mental discomfort, it is physical pain too. I just can’t seem to process the right in it.  I believe in God and I know that heaven is much greater than earth but (no words) …

Although each loss was different, the pain was the same and now I am in that place of mourning again, I am trying to pick up the pieces and find a way to cope. While I don’t wish this sorrow on anyone, the truth is life happens and If it ever happens to you, I would like to be able to help in some manner. These are a few ways that I have found peace while dealing with the loss of my tribe members.


While many may encourage you not to cry, I suggest you do (if crying is your thing). For me, crying is a way to release pain and in order to heal, that pain has to be released. woman crying


Truth is, most times the answers that we want and need can’t be given by our family and friends; we have to be willing to go higher. I know that the rule is to never question God but that is where you will find the peace that you need to even begin the healing process. christian-black-woman


It is important that you remember the good times. I have been able to steal many happy moments remembering the jouyous times that I shared with the tribe members I have lost. I have been blessed to have friends with crazy personalities just like me and boy have we had many LMAO moments.


Be it family, friends or strangers; many times you can connect with those who share the same sorrow for the loss of your tribe member. You may not be able to soothe one another but the silent respect of what you are going through can be enough to get you through a moment or two.BlackAfricanwomenshouldsupporteachother


Dedicating a little time and energy to people and things that your tribe member loved is a great way to find peace and honor them as well. For me all of my sisters had children, parents and other siblings that they left behind, I found comfort in being able to be there for them as much as I can. BlackFamily-1


Make sure you assemble with your remaining tribe members. It always does my heart good to be with my girls and most times, we can do all of the above together.



These are just a few ways that have helped me begin the healing process, while they worked for me they may not work for you. However, despite your method of healing, just know that it is important that you heal. Mourning and prolonged sadness can and will lead to depression if not handle properly; it also makes it hard to celebrate the life that your loved one had.


What are some ways that you deal with loss? Have you lost a tribe member? Chime in ladies!